Several years ago, I was doing 6th-grade recess duty at a school in Seattle. It was an early spring day, sunny with a little snap still in the air, trees starting to bud with blue skies around the corner.  

And then I looked across the playground and saw something that brought the mental clouds rolling in.  

Huddled together, laughing and talking and watching the boys play soccer, were my wonderful 6^th-grade girls who had suddenly decided that playing soccer was not as fun as watching soccer. “It’s started,” I sighed to myself. The small but mighty change when girls become spectators of what boys are doing and start doing less themselves. My heart sank. So, I walked over and laughed with them for a bit and encouraged them to join the game like always. “We just want to watch,” one girl said. “We’re talking,” said another, effectively dismissing me from their conversation. The game had changed, just like the weather.   

When I worked at my first all-girls school, I read “Reviving Ophelia” which outlined this exact scenario and the impact it had on girls. The peer culture around gender is powerful and can be limiting. Girls who wanted to continue to play with the boys became “Tomboys" and their intentions were suddenly in question. Winning was replaced by watching the winners. We could all see it, the book argued, but how could we alter it? 

My big takeaway at the time, and one that is still with me, is that girls need role models around them who encourage them to be who they are. That means mothers (and fathers), aunts, grandmothers and educators (like the ones we have at Forest Ridge) who can encourage girls to talk, express themselves, and—here’s the trick—be listened to in real time in real ways. 

Here at school, we do not walk past the interpersonal issues and travails of girls—we listen. Young girls need time with trusted adults who will hear them out and advise them, not just tell them.  I work with smart, thoughtful educators who know that our prime jobs are the teaching of science, math, the arts and humanities, but not far behind is the teaching of how to navigate relationships, manage trust and disappointment, understand patterns of communication, find strength to persevere, and, our Goal V theme this year, practice wise freedom.  

Also, unlike my wonderful yet confused 6^th-grade girls of the past, Forest Ridge students can take center stage in their own interests. Surrounded by role models in teachers, advisors and leaders, they can be intellectual, athletic, artistic, ambitious and curious – often all in the same day.  

I am happy to say our students play. They don’t have to stand on any sideline.